RedWritingHood

I’ve written this in response to today’s Red Dress Club prompt: Write about a fight.  I’m not happy with it, but I know that if I wait around til I’m 100% pleased it’ll never be ready.  The important thing is to throw my hat in the ring again, so to speak, since it’s been so long.  Any concrit is extremely welcome!

Another email.  From him.

My heartbeat quickened against my will.  After all, we were just friends.

Why the sudden flush in my cheeks, then? The goofy grin which spread across my face as soon as I saw his name in my inbox? Why did the sight of his name make my day the way it did? And why did its absence disappointment me so?

I had known for some time that he wanted more.  More than just emails, though we did go back and forth several times a day.  More than just sharing ourselves on a computer screen.

And once again, he had managed to add a reminder that he was always available at night for a conversation over the phone.  I tried to pretend that I didn’t see his meaning.

Why? Why don’t you want to talk to him over the phone? What’s the difference?

I can think about what I’m saying via email.  I can read, reread, edit.  I can be the best me.

The poor guy is trying so hard.  Why can’t you give him a shot?

I don’t know.  Everything’s getting complicated.  Everything’s changing.

What’s so great about your life now?  Take a chance.

I can’t.  It’s too hard.  I don’t know what’s going to happen.  It’s too new.

You’re comfortable with being miserable and alone.  Because it’s all you’ve ever known.

I’m afraid.

I know.

I came up with every excuse in the book as to why I was unavailable.  Sometimes I was genuinely busy.  The rest of the time I made myself busy.

I don’t want this!

Yes you do.  This is exactly what you’ve always wanted.

I hate you!

Which is why you won’t let yourself be happy.

As the war waged on, a war he knew nothing about, I held him at arm’s length.  He stuck around.  Sharing himself with me every day, showing interest in me, wanting to get to know me better.  Bless his heart.

I’ve never been a daredevil.  I’ve always been afraid of hurting.

I know.  I know you.  I am you.

I don’t know what will come next.

Let go.  Just let go.

I can’t.

He won’t hurt you.

I know that, I’ve always known that.

What’s the problem?

It doesn’t seem right! There’s no struggle, there’s no chase.  He’s just…there.  It’s too simple, too easy.  He’s making it too easy!

There’s nothing wrong with that.

No one has ever just liked me before! For me! I’ve always had to work and work.

And see where all that work got you so far? Nowhere!

It doesn’t make sense.

That’s what makes it right.

It took a martini happy hour to give me the courage to do what was inevitable from the first.  I had only wasted time letting my heart and my brain fight it out the way I’d been.  My heart had won.

I’m so tired of this.  It doesn’t make sense anymore.

So I put down my sword and picked up my cell.  I typed and sent a text. 

“You know something? I think I really like you.”

Finally.

  9 Responses to “Red Writing Hood: Fighting Myself”

  1. “i put down my sword and picked up my cell” perfect!!

  2. I dated my husband casually for two months just because he kept asking me out. I had no idea why and there was no chase involved on my part so I didn’t take our relationship seriously. I thought I needed to be pining away for someone in an unrequited way so that when we finally got together, it would be some sort of explosive thing— LOVE. But no, real love is not that difficult. Or that obvious from the start. At least for me.

    Also, I thought you did a very good job. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

  3. Love the ending of this. I got chills!

  4. Awww so glad you gave him a chance.
    That war is a terrible one but we keep playing it with ourselves over so many decisions.

  5. Another reason to swoon over you! I loved this! Reading this shows another way we’re so much alike. I had a similar debate with myself over my husband.

    Glad you made that call! You deserve the happiness!

  6. YAY!!! Bravery wins. I love it when the heart wins. This battle between heart and head was classic, and so very well written. I’m hooked, so I hope you write more about them.

    my only concrit is that I don’t think you need the italics for the one part of the conversation, though I like the change up with the bolded italics. It seems to give that side more importance.

    And this? sounds a lot like my love story, only he did chase me.

  7. Wow – I loved this. I definitely can relate to the “I’m not 100% happy with it” feeling about my own writing. I will tinker and pick and shift a preposition or an article forever.

    But I think this is fabulous as it is.

    And you are brave to throw your hat in the ring.

    LOVED the image of putting down the sword to pick up the cell. And the line:
    I know. I know you. I am you.

    Very cool.

  8. Oh, I love this fight because the outcome is a WIN!

    Take the chance, call the guy!

  9. I have waged so many wars with myself. I think those are always the hardest. I love your take on this prompt.

 Leave a Reply

(required)

(required)

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

   
© 2012 The Misadventures of Mrs. B Site design: RDB Interactive.
Theme Base: Suffusion, by Sayontan Sinha