This week’s Red Writing Hood prompt was to write about jealousy. This is fiction, and concrit is welcome as always!
She sat staring at the blank email form. Hot blood raced through her veins as her pulse pounded. She knew that if she went through with it and he found out, she’d lose Ryan forever. She pictured his face in her mind and saw confusion and hurt fill his eyes. “Jill…” he’d say, shaking his head in confusion, his brow furrowed. Disappointment would turn to comprehension. Followed by disgust.
But that was nothing compared to having to hold herself back, day after day, loving him the way she did but never being able to show it. Plastering the same fake smile on her face, a smile which never reached her eyes, while it felt as though a giant hand was squeezing her stomach. She would drag that smile out of storage every time he told her how happy he was. Every time Jill saw her. Even though it hurt like hell, she’d smile.
Kelly.
Before Ryan and Kelly had met, everyone thought of him and Jill as a couple. “Where’s your hubby?” friends would joke whenever Jill would show up at a party or at the bar without him. She would smirk and laugh it off, careful not to show the happiness spreading through her.
She knew they were just friends, but it felt like more. They had the foundation – communication, trust, knowledge of each other’s lives and thoughts and dreams. They had even tried at one time to take things further, but Ryan decided it would be better if they stayed friends. “I couldn’t live without you as my best friend,” he told her, “and I would be so afraid of things ending badly”. At the time Jill didn’t care – as long as they were together, somehow.
But things had changed. Ryan wasn’t single now. He didn’t have time for her as he used to. He didn’t even hug her the same way anymore.
When Jill was with the two of them she spent much of the time observing Kelly and asking Ryan questions inside her head. Why not me? What’s wrong with me? Don’t you see how much I love you? What’s so special about her? What does she have that I don’t have? I already keep your dreams in my heart, I know every line of your face with my eyes closed. I love you. Why didn’t you pick me?
“It shows how much more important you are to him than Kelly is, that he’s so careful with your friendship,” her mother told her. Yeah, right. She was so important that he couldn’t bear the thought of kissing her, of holding her the way she saw him hold Kelly.
The cursor blinked…blinked…blinked. A fake email address, set up on one of the library’s computers. Jill took a deep breath and asked herself once more if she could actually go through with this. Her fingers were poised over the keys. Finally they started to move.
I’m writing this as a friend. You need to know the truth about Kelly before you get hurt.
She took pains to make sure he wouldn’t recognize her way of speaking.
She’s been playing you the whole time you’ve been with her.
Keep it simple.
I saw her all over another guy last Friday nite.
Kelly had plead illness that night and told Ryan she was going to bed early.
She’s a lying whore. Get rid of her before things get worse.
Shaking with a mixture of adrenaline and self-loathing, Jill grabbed the mouse and pointed at the “Send” button.
“I love you, Ryan” she whispered.
Click.
Oh, I liked it! Unrequited loved…or not so much unrequited as “let’s just be friends” which is worse somehow. I loved the bit about her mother, too. It’s such a “mother” thing to put things in the best possible light regardless of reality.
The line “Shaking with a mixture of adrenaline and self-loathing” was VERY evocative! Nice post!
This is good! I really would love to read more! I want to see his reaction to the email and how she handles herself…. and if he ever finds out it was her!
Great job!
Oh. Wow. I hope there’s a Part 2……
Ouch! Nothing hurts than someone who says they can’t love you but then you have to watch them love someone else. Envy indeed.
I like this – especially since you [I] don’t know if she’s being honest or a nutter. Nicely written.
Must. Know. More!
Is she being honest? How does he react? Does it work?
More, please! I’m hooked.
Ooooo! Even though I abhor behavior like Jill’s I thought you did such a good job of setting up her feelings for Ryan, and how it has affected her entire world that I have to say I was kind of behind her. This section I thought was so good that it was a little painful to read,
“Why not me? What’s wrong with me? Don’t you see how much I love you? What’s so special about her? What does she have that I don’t have? I already keep your dreams in my heart, I know every line of your face with my eyes closed. I love you. Why didn’t you pick me?”
it’s so raw and bare. Nice job!
Oh that was great! I had a guy friend I was secretly in love with, too. but I knew it wouldn’t work for us to be together. But I was super jealous when he got a serious girlfriend (now his wife) and he didn’t hang out with me alone anymore or hug me in front of her. We couldn’t be friends like we had been.
Oh wow. Who can’t relate to this!!
So well written, the emotion and hurt pours off the page.
I need to know more!
What we are willing to do in the name of unrequited love. Great writing.
That email made me cringe. I was just thinking…don’t do it! Lol. I could feel her gut wrenching emotions. Great job!
OMG!!!!!!OMG!!!!!!!!
Where did this come from, I love it. Jen, this THIS is fantastic and Jill you are spunky!!!!!!!! It was written so well, the language so perfect and spot on. Wow!
Love this. Must know what happens next!!!!
Wow! I love this! You’re posting a part 2, right? RIGHT?!?
OK, I’ll be honest, I can’t stand girls like Jill, unless this Kelly actually was a whore. Well, then ….
Nice flow, but the short sentences kind of break that up. “But things had changed. Ryan wasn’t single now. He didn’t have time for her as he used to. He didn’t even hug her the same way anymore.”
Maybe something like, “Now that Ryan wasn’t single things had changed. Even the way he hugged her had changed, and his time now belonged to Kelly.”
I did love the way “The cursor blinked…blinked…blinked.” I could see it, and feel her hesitation.
I love it. I need more too! Was it true? Please say yes!
Okay, you can’t leave me hanging with this one. I have to know if she’s really being honest in the email? Unrequited love—I know LOTS about that and can totally relate to this. I think you did an excellent job describing the envy she felt, the longing—all the way down to the self-loathing part. BRAVO!
I like the way you have me sympathizing with Jill even though she’s being so cruel. You’ve created a three dimensional character in such a short piece. Kudos to that! Saying hi from TRDC!
I’m going to take a guess and say that it isn’t true that Kelly is running around on him. The conversation btwn Jill and her mom make me think that Jill is miserably jealous and longing for a way to make Ryan her own. She sounds desparate enough to do anything to get him to notice her.
Great post! Visiting from TDRC
*Love!* There’s *nothing* like a good love story and I’m hoping that’s how this ends p? Good? And in love? Love the back and forth in her mind as she’s writing the e-mail!
You captured so well that feeling of unrequited love. And the desperation that can come with it. Nice job!
I liked this! You did a great job making me care about Jill and made me root for her in such a short piece. I hope it turns out well for her, and I hope she’s telling the truth. Guess that means I want more!
I can’t emphasize enough how amazing this piece is! I’m salivating over your skill!
Oh, I like it. Makes me feel like getting up to mischief. Not this much but….some.
Oh, that painful just-friends place- you really captured it!
[...] part one of this story, which you can read here, lovesick Jill sent Ryan an anonymous email which accused his girlfriend of cheating on [...]
[...] I decided to continue the Jill/Ryan/Kelly saga. You can read the previous installments here: Jealousy, The Email, and [...]
[...] saga of Jill and Ryan. In previous episodes, lovesick Jill sent Ryan an “anonymous” email in hopes to get him to break up with his girlfriend, and Ryan reflected on how it had felt to learn [...]