This week’s Red Writing Hood prompt was to write about jealousy. This is fiction, and concrit is welcome as always!
She sat staring at the blank email form. Hot blood raced through her veins as her pulse pounded. She knew that if she went through with it and he found out, she’d lose Ryan forever. She pictured his face in her mind and saw confusion and hurt fill his eyes. “Jill…” he’d say, shaking his head in confusion, his brow furrowed. Disappointment would turn to comprehension. Followed by disgust.
But that was nothing compared to having to hold herself back, day after day, loving him the way she did but never being able to show it. Plastering the same fake smile on her face, a smile which never reached her eyes, while it felt as though a giant hand was squeezing her stomach. She would drag that smile out of storage every time he told her how happy he was. Every time Jill saw her. Even though it hurt like hell, she’d smile.
Before Ryan and Kelly had met, everyone thought of him and Jill as a couple. “Where’s your hubby?” friends would joke whenever Jill would show up at a party or at the bar without him. She would smirk and laugh it off, careful not to show the happiness spreading through her.
She knew they were just friends, but it felt like more. They had the foundation – communication, trust, knowledge of each other’s lives and thoughts and dreams. They had even tried at one time to take things further, but Ryan decided it would be better if they stayed friends. “I couldn’t live without you as my best friend,” he told her, “and I would be so afraid of things ending badly”. At the time Jill didn’t care – as long as they were together, somehow.
But things had changed. Ryan wasn’t single now. He didn’t have time for her as he used to. He didn’t even hug her the same way anymore.
When Jill was with the two of them she spent much of the time observing Kelly and asking Ryan questions inside her head. Why not me? What’s wrong with me? Don’t you see how much I love you? What’s so special about her? What does she have that I don’t have? I already keep your dreams in my heart, I know every line of your face with my eyes closed. I love you. Why didn’t you pick me?
“It shows how much more important you are to him than Kelly is, that he’s so careful with your friendship,” her mother told her. Yeah, right. She was so important that he couldn’t bear the thought of kissing her, of holding her the way she saw him hold Kelly.
The cursor blinked…blinked…blinked. A fake email address, set up on one of the library’s computers. Jill took a deep breath and asked herself once more if she could actually go through with this. Her fingers were poised over the keys. Finally they started to move.
I’m writing this as a friend. You need to know the truth about Kelly before you get hurt.
She took pains to make sure he wouldn’t recognize her way of speaking.
She’s been playing you the whole time you’ve been with her.
Keep it simple.
I saw her all over another guy last Friday nite.
Kelly had plead illness that night and told Ryan she was going to bed early.
She’s a lying whore. Get rid of her before things get worse.
Shaking with a mixture of adrenaline and self-loathing, Jill grabbed the mouse and pointed at the “Send” button.
“I love you, Ryan” she whispered.