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How you have lived the Be Enough Me feeling this week?
There are certain events which can make a person stop and reevaluate things. For example, I always get all sentimental-then-analytical around New Years Eve. What did I do this year? What will I do next year? Where does the time go, etc etc.
Another such event is my birthday. I always, always get all thinky around it.
Incidentally, this past Saturday was my 32nd birthday.
When I was a kid, where did I think I was going to be by the time 32 rolled around?
I’m sure I thought I’d be married with a kid or two (or three) by now. Depending on how old I was when the fantasy was conjured up, I was either a teacher or actress or singer. I’d be living “the good life”, of course. Realizing my dreams. Embracing my passions. Traveling, seeing the world and all its wonders, big and small.
Where am I actually? Married. I managed that (and successfully, I might add). Living in a house which isn’t my own but sometimes feels as though it may as well be. Working at a job for a number of years which pays the bills but doesn’t so much for my soul. And, of course, blogging, with all it entails.
This is not a bad life, of course. I know how lucky I am. It’s not perfect but then, what is?
Still. I feel as though there’s so much I can do for myself in my 33rd year.
I can start embracing my passions more wholeheartedly. Stop apologizing for what I need in order to create the life I want to live. If that means putting money out every month for shake powder to keep my UC in check without taking pills, or buying flowers and landscaping materials in order to put the garden of my dreams together – so be it. No one benefits from me denying myself.
Speaking of denying myself, I absolutely have to stop putting myself down so much. I know I’ve been preaching self-acceptance, but I guess that’s easier said than done. Do as I say, not as I do. The fact is, I know I’d feel better about myself if I’d spend a little more time putting outfits together. Buying some accessories here and there won’t break my bank account – and it’ll make me feel more put-together. Size doesn’t matter. Lots of bigger women dress well and look beautiful. I can do the same.
But the thing is, I put myself down before I even start. I don’t even buy the nicer, pretty things I see because I tell myself I couldn’t pull them off in the first place. So not only do I not get to wear the pretty things I see, I feel even worse about myself after the negative self-talk.
All of my dreams are attainable. I need to do myself the favor of believing in myself and my talents. It’s the best gift I can give myself this year.
Do birthdays and other milestones make you think this way? What do you want to give yourself starting today?