As a follow-up to last week’s post on being a “good enough” blogger, I’ve decided to take it easier on myself.
There was a time when I would spend all day Saturday or Sunday (or both) on my netbook, catching up with my friends, visiting fellow participants from the numerous memes I participate in throughout the week, and tweetingtweetingtweeting.
Does this sound familiar? Have you looked back at a weekend on Sunday night and realized to your chagrin that most of it was spent in front of a computer screen?
Isn’t that the most depressing thing?
This past weekend I commanded myself to stay away from my online life as much as possible. I willed myself to read something other than blogs. I cooked (of course I took pictures as I went along), I slept in, caught up on the DVR, watched a movie. A whole movie. Without the netbook on my lap. And I didn’t die. Neither did the internet.
I wish I could say I felt no guilt while I did this. But the guilt was there. I should have been writing, should have been commenting, should have been tweeting so as to keep my Klout score from getting any lower than it already is (look up the word “nosedive” in the dictionary and you’ll see my Klout score). That nagging voice went on an endless loop all weekend. Seriously. It’s not easy to enjoy relaxing when your conscience won’t let you do it.
Still, I managed to not give in because, frankly, I was tired. And tired has a tendency to win after you’ve ignored it long enough. You can only ignore your well-being for so long before your body reminds you who the boss is.
Maybe it’s burnout. Maybe it’s a real, deep-seeded need to live a life without being chained to my computer. I don’t know. Normally by Monday morning I feel as though I have my groove back, to a degree. But I’m writing this post today and I’m still lacking the get-up-and-go.
I haven’t been feeling well lately – seems like every day, on and off, I have sore throats and headaches and that genuine feeling of “Uh-oh, I’m getting sick”. The feeling always seems to go away, which is weird, but what doesn’t go away is a general feeling of blah.
Unlike times past when I’ve been unwell, I’m not going to step away entirely. I’m going to stick with it. But I can’t be everything to everyone. I can only take care of me sometimes.
It’s one thing to say you’re going to do your best and that’ll be enough, but when you’re used to driving yourself to work harder, it’s not easy to step back permanently and let things fall where they will. But I’m trying. I’m doing the best I can.
Maybe my best really does have to be enough.
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