“There’s nothing more dangerous than when you get used to feeling bad”.
The other day a friend at work asked how I’ve been feeling.
I was great for a while, working out and eating well. Then last week I noticed a few warning signs of a flare. I tried to ignore and brush them off, but “mind over matter” only works so well.
I finally had to admit: I’m getting sick again.
The symptoms aren’t the same as usual, though, so I did a lot of hesitating before I made that admission. I told my friend, “I’ve felt worse than this before, that’s why I didn’t recognize it as a flare”.
My friend looked at me knowingly. ”There’s nothing more dangerous than when you get used to feeling bad”.
Her words hit me hard and made me think.
Photo Credit
I became used to occasional flares, relied on them going away on their own within a few weeks. Which is why the one I had back in September went out of control before I did anything.
Weeks of suffering passed before I was finally hospitalized. Twice.
My dad was used to being in pain. Neck, back, shoulder. It was a part of his daily life for as long as I can remember.
He learned to live around the pain in his chest. Until it was no longer an option.
I’m coming to understand that wellness isn’t just absence of illness. It’s about feeling good.
Silly on the surface, but think about it. How many of us just get by from day to day? Many’s the day I’ve needed a barrel of caffeine just to get me through, and I know I’m not alone.
When was the last time you felt good? Not just un-sick.
For me it was when I was eating well, making sure to focus on that which served my body best.
So the first thing I need to do, once this blows over, is refocus on what makes me feel good. Eating healthy food. Limiting carbs. Walking. Jogging. Stretching.
Because there is nothing more dangerous than when you get used to feeling bad.
Do you ever feel like you’re just getting by?
Yes! I was just thinking this the other day. I don’t have chronic illness, but it is so easy to get lax with being proactive about staying healthy. I hope you get well soon and can get back on track.
Thanks, Nicole. You’re right – it’s easy to get used to your daily routine and to forget how it feels to take care of yourself.
Yep. I know that feeling all too well. I’m not sure I can recall the last time that I felt good. Don’t get me wrong. I work hard to maintain a positive attitude and I’m extremely lucky (and grateful) to have docs who genuinely care about my QOL, but it’s easy sometimes to slip into that place where you’re just going through the motions. I honestly think it can be a form of self preservation.
I’m sorry that you’re in the midst of a flare. I truly hope you find yourself on the other side of it soon. :~}
What is it that you’re dealing with, Mary?
You make a good point about it being self preservation. It really can be. I know that for me, though, it’s easy to slide from that mentality into laxness, for lack of a better word, because I’m not at death’s door. Just because I’m not violently ill doesn’t mean I’m not ill. Healthy people don’t feel this way. I need to remind myself of that.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and words.
Hi Jen, I have Lupus & Raynaud’s, along with a mish-mosh of other nasty diagnosis’ (ie. Fibro, CMP) that have a habit of tagging along with or are also autoimmune diseases. It’s been about 10 years now, but it was almost 6 before they formally diagnosed me.
You touched on an important and frustrating aspect of being chronically ill. I don’t always “look” sick. Especially to people who don’t know me. Before I needed a cane, I refused to use my handicapped parking tag because so many people would glare at me with suspicion and/or disgust. They just assumed that I was a healthy person who just parked there because I was lazy. People have no clue that every step I take causes me pain. “Well” people can’t even wrap their brain around that… and it’s not their fault. How could they know?
I guess what I’m trying to say (a tad too verbosely, I fear ~ Sorry LOL) is that when you have a chronic illness, it’s very common to force yourself to “buck up and get on with it”, no matter how bad you feel. None of us wants to come across to others as someone who lives life in constant pity party mode.
I could go on for pages and pages, but I’ve already taken up a boatload of comment space. LOL I’d be happy to chat via email if you’d like. I’m no expert. Just someone who can relate…
Take Care,
Mary
You are so, so right – people are used to being able to “see” illness. When they can’t they just don’t understand. Thank you for being so kind and understanding, and for caring enough to share a bit of your story with me.
I’ve been sick so much this pregnancy that I have come to value how good I usually feel!
Get well soon Jen.
Poor thing.
Thanks!
So true. I think because I’m dealing with my three kiddos and their individual sickness, I just accept the days when I don’t feel great whether it’s illness or lethargy or achiness. I don’t take the initiative to take care of myself, citing that I’m just too busy.
Such a familiar story. But eventually your body does remind you of who’s the boss. I definitely learned that lesson the hard way this year, both personally and with my dad. You’d think I’d try to remember! As for you – be kinder to yourself, okay?
I have noticed a huge change in myself now that I’m not making it a point to exercise more. Things need to change.
And you? I hope you feel better soon. Very soon.
WOW this post hits home to me. I’ve been feeling so bad lately, I can feel my depression deepen and I’ve been on the autopilot mode again. This reminds of the song “The Pain That I’m Used To” from Depeche Mode.
Hope you will feel better soon. Sending you hugs!
Oh and you nailed it: “I’m coming to understand that wellness isn’t just absence of illness. It’s about feeling good.” that is so true!
I sincerely hope that you start feeling better soon as well. You deserve it.
Every Day
I can’t remember the last time I felt good – but I do remember once waking up after having slept six hours in a row and I was refreshed. I couldn’t believe the difference it made.
I may need to rethink my life.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I woke feeling refreshed. Probably sometime in my early elementary school years.
I was feeling like this for almost all of January and February. I was in the biggest funk, I was dizzy, I had a ton of headaches and I let myself just blame it on the cold, dreary weather. I just wasn’t taking care of myself and I needed to remind myself that it was okay to put myself first sometimes. I’m feeling better now and am keeping track of my headaches. Since starting yin yoga, they are decreasing and I am hoping to keep more of them at bay still.
Take care of yourself! xo!
Funny how we actually need to remind ourselves to take care of ourselves, isn’t it? I’m glad you’re starting to feel better.
Jen,
I am so sorry you’re not feeling well.
I could easily apply your sentiments here to my waxing & waning depressive episodes. I’ve definitely felt WORSE than this before, which is why I didn’t really notice I’m depressed again.
But like you said, I’m so used to feeling bad…it sucks.
I’m here if you ever want to talk.
HUGS, my Blissdom friend!
Thank you, sweetie. xo
My “used to not feeling good” is emotional rather than physical. But I can really identify with what you’re saying. Getting used to a feeling that should never be gotten used to. Sending endurance and focus vibes to you to do what you know you need to do for you.
I understand – at least, I do somewhat. And I’m sorry you deal with it. ((BIG HUG))
Girl, I know all about those flares. Woke up today feeling that feeling when I know a flare up is happening. Stiff body, swollen lymph nodes, oh yeah, not a great feeling. Who knows when it’ll pass, hopefully sooner rather than later. I want to live, not just get by…or be afraid to plan things because of a flare up. You aren’t alone my friend.
Oh I’m so sorry.
“Just getting by” is such a rotten place to be. I hope you feel better very soon.