I sortakindanotreallybutsorta announced this on Twitter…what was it, last week? I think it was last week at some point. The days tend to blur together when I’m sick.
(Also, can I take a moment and send a tip of the hat to Twitter and the fact that I miss being there so much but at the same time find myself much more productive without it?)
Anyway, I sortakinda made it a point to mention that I’ve lost 50 pounds. But I framed it in the context of the fact that I.absolutely.cannot.wait. to buy new clothes for the fall. Because I really can’t wait. Seriously, check out my Pinterest style board if you think I’m kidding.
To answer any questions which may have you raising your eyebrows:
Yes. A lot of this weight loss has to do with illness. But not all of it. I mean, it’s not hard to gain weight back after you’ve been sick. I managed to maintain my original loss over the course of the past 7 or so months and have lost since then.
No. This is not where I want to end up. I have at least 50 pounds to go before I reach the highest end of my “healthy” range. But it’s a nice start, right?
It’s nice to feel smaller. Today I wrapped my towel around myself after my shower and you know what? It closed all the way down. I can cross my legs in the car or on the train.
Sometimes I have to remind myself to cool my jets. Like, I’m not skinny. And I don’t want to be. I don’t think I even have the frame to carry “skinny” well. I’m broad and wide.
I’d rather be Sophia Loren, if given my druthers.
Yeah. I'll take that.
via Creative Commons
I keep saying to myself that I can’t wait to eat again. Because eating is a challenge when I’m coming off a bad flare. This morning, for instance, I ate half a muffin and felt like I was going to be sick. The other half still sits here, on my desk.
Anyone want a vegan muffin top?
But you know something? The idea of being able to ever again eat with abandon scares me.
I scare me.
I’ve been doing a lot of work, most intensively over the past six months, on compulsive eating. How the ego plays such a huge part in the whole mess of addiction, the stories the ego feeds us which keep us in the same old patterns of victimization.
I know my issues. I’m working through them. And writing through them. 30k words and counting.
I do love eating healthy food. I’ve been embroiled in a tawdry affair with quinoa for some time now. I wish I could grow avocados because it would save a lot of money. I love juicing and making green smoothies.
But I’m still afraid.
Because I have gained it back in the past. I’m currently smaller than I’ve ever been in my adult life, but I’m not much smaller than I was around five years ago.
So it’s scary. Because I don’t want to go back there.
And I want to continue this love affair with good food. Because if there’s one blessing I can take from this horrible, ugly illness it’s the new relationship with nutrition which I’ve been forced into. And I want to share it with y’all!
I love the gentle understanding my body and I are coming to. Sometimes it’s one step forward, two back…but it’s progress. Before I got sick…again…I was doing some easy yoga in the mornings and stretching in the evenings. To connect with myself and be good to myself. Not to lose weight.
I’m trying to learn to like myself. I also need to learn to trust myself…
…as I put together my dream closet via Pinterest.
Have you ever gone through a big weight loss? How did you handle it?
I’m proud of you! (Not for the sickness, obviously.) And this love affair with healthy food…Does this include Salad Works? Because if so, we should make a date.
Yes. Saladworks it is.
Congratulations! Losing weight isn’t easy… that I know for a fact! Also…. I know that you can do it because you’re dedicated and you really want this!
Keep up the good work and have a great time shopping for all those cute clothes this fall!!
You’re doing so well, too!
And thank you. I do want it.
You know my story. You know my struggle with weight. I could not be more proud of you for keeping off the weight and working to know yourself. Also? You inspire me. Thank you.
Thank YOU. I know you can do this. I’m here whenever you want to talk, ever.
Good for you!! That’s such a huge win. It’s hard to make any lifestyle change because the old lifestyle still feels so comfortable. Every once in awhile, I still want a drink. Then I remember being hungover and think “hell no”. In time, hopefully, you’ll still remember what it feels like to feel bad and think “hell no”.
Regardless, you’re doing awesome.
Yeah, the memory of that bad feeling is more than enough sometimes. I’m thankful for those moments of clarity when they come – because eating too much, especially carbs, leaves me with that horrible after-feeling just like drinking too much. That’s also why I don’t drink anymore – it’s not so much fun when you cross 30.
Thanks, my friend.
You are amazing, my friend! I am so glad you’re working through this journey a little at a time. And Yay!! for Pinterest wardrobe updating.
Thank you sweetie! And yeah, Pinterest has been waaaay too much fun. I wish my closet would magically update!
Congratulations! 50 pounds is great! It is also scary. With this much success it is easy to lose sight of your ultimate goal. I know. I lost 65 pounds then proceeded to gain back 50. I am back on track again and have lost 15. Still a long way to go but I am breaking it down into little steps, 5 pounds at a time. Before long I will be at my goal and in the meantime I am trying to learn to be good to myself by doing healthy things, not self-destructive things.
Yes, the focus on health has been what’s helped me for sure. Moving towards health instead of away from “fat” is the shift it takes, I’m sure. Also being gentle throughout the process – because, really, who wants to be punished throughout this process? Congratulations on your progress so far!
Yaaaaaaay you’re doing some yoga! It’s great for detoxing. You have no idea how much it actually does.
Great work on keeping the weight off – it is So easy to put it back on. Keep up the great work!
Thank you!
Hi.
Just thought i’d leave a comment and encourage you.
I’m trying to lose weight too. I was always a health freak, but after a bout of depression and an abortion, i went downhill. I gained weight, and I’m only 23. I am no ‘overweight’ according to my BMI, but u know what, I am determined more than ever to lose the weight.
Do i want to be skinny? NO WAY! lol. I want to be slim, HEALTHY and toned. I wanna be more toned than my boyfriend!! (hes scared, he really is) and it’snot because i dont love myself now, I love myself hence why I want to be the best version of myself.
Keep it up. It takes time.
Try cutting out carbs slowly, google it. It really helped me lose weight, then try cardio work outs more often, if u hate jogging/running etc, try tae bo, or just dancing!
Take more water, and set your reasons why u wanna lose weight.
My motivation: to surprise the ones who’ve called me fat. Yes, them.
and for an added motivation, i old myself, il go for a makeover after i reach my goal weight, sounds narcissistic but it isnt, i believe we’re all entitled to be a little vain once in awhile.
So continue with a healthier lifestyle for YOURSELF, and to shut the mouths of those who’ve burnt you (if any) about your weight
Loving yourself isnt about staying the way you are and being unhappy deep inside, its about loving yourself and being the best version of yourself
So, i wish you all the best! god bless
I don’t think people who have not struggled with weight realize that it is scary for so many reasons. It is a life changing event to lose that amount of weight. Congrats! I am right there with you…I have been thin once in my adult life and kept it off for 6-7 years and then got pregnant and went to town on pancakes, assuming it would come off again….11 years later can you say yo-yo! In the last two weeks I have recommitted to the plan that changed my life the first time…but it is scary,,but it is necessary. Keep on going girl and congrats again!