Sometimes I don’t wanna be the bigger person.
I don’t wanna play nice.
I don’t wanna be polite.
I don’t wanna be good.
I’m not suffering fools too well lately. I feel like my patience is wearing thin in a lot of areas, worn smooth like rocks after the ocean’s onslaught.
I’ve spent years spinning things. Saying things the “right” way. Being as kind as I can.
But right now? Sometimes I don’t wanna be kind.
I know that once I feel better I’ll get back to my old self.
But do I want to be that old self?
There’s something to be said for being kind, and there’s something to be said for being a doormat, too.
There’s something to be said for being good and nice and not wanting to hurt others (and I never want to hurt others no matter how badly I’m feeling), but there’s something else to be said for telling it like it is when the truth needs to be told.
Especially if the alternative to telling my truth, to telling it like it is, is letting my feelings eat me alive.
Feelings don’t go away. They only show up elsewhere.
Maybe it’s not all about feeling sick and cranky. Maybe I’m really at an edge right now, and I have a choice to either step back and play it safe…or to step forward and see what awaits me.
Do you ever just get tired and “not wanna”? What is it you don’t want to do?