Should I hit "publish"? Will my readers like it?
What if no one cares anymore?
No one is going to want to read about this.
This is too far out there. It’s not who you are as a blogger.
Stick to food, girl. And make it good.
Do you really think people want to read about this nonsense?
There is so much going on in my head and my heart right now, friends. So many new ideas, discoveries, messages. I’ve been having “Duh!” moments left and right, and not for my normal goofed-up reasons. Now it’s because so much of life is becoming clearer, every day.
And I want to share it with you.
I want to share stories like how I cried on Sunday because I wanted to eat “normal” food again so.darn.much. Or how I realized that I started using this new diet as a way to punish myself, just like I punished myself by overeating in the past. Or how I came across a great new teacher with a message that resonates with me.
But I don’t. Because I’m afraid to.
It’s easy to become pigeonholed as a blogger. It’s why I wanted to avoid a niche for so long. I didn’t want to be defined by just one area of my life.
And even though I have started (finally) looking at new, GAPS-friendly recipes, I’m hesitant to share them when the time comes because they’re not my old style.
No one will care.
But I’m evolving. I can’t help it. We all evolve as people.
Is it okay for us to evolve as bloggers?
All I know is, this self-censorship is stifling me creatively. I finally put two and two together earlier today, making the connection between my energy nosediving and the fact that I still feel like I can’t be fully and completely me.
On my own blog, of all places.
This is the same sort of fear that’s held me back throughout my life, and a large chunk of what I’m writing my book about. That common fear of expanding, growing as a person. Listening when the ego tells us that no one will like us anymore if we change things up, even if those changes are good for us.
Allowing those scary stories to hold us back, stifle us, prevent us from living in our truth.
The worst part is, it’s not as if we can just turn our backs on who we need to be and get on with life as-is. It might work for a while but that longing, yearning feeling, the certainty that this is not who we’re supposed to be, shows up in other areas.
In my case, my creative energy has been non-existent the past couple of days. In related news, I’ve been on Twitter a lot more. So there’s that.
As of today, though, I give myself permission to be free and evolve, both personally and as a blogger. I can’t let my blog define who I am and where my time should be focused – that’s totally backwards.
I’m giving myself permission to shine. So grab your sunglasses. Cuz you’re gonna need them.
Have you ever been afraid to evolve as a blogger? Do you feel like you need to stick to certain topics or else your readers will jump ship?
