Yesterday, I told you about the dish that inspired me to start jogging on Saturday night, out of guilt more than anything else.
Months ago I talked about my dream of one day being “a runner”. I feel like I’ve now moved one step closer to making that dream a reality. Sure, jogging for a minute/walking for a minute is a slow start. But we all have to start somewhere.
And now that I know it’s possible, there’s no going back.
In terms of inches I’ve lost a total of 6 1/4″ so far – including 2 inches off my butt (and I’ve measured very carefully, not pulling the tape tight, and always in the same spot, just to be sure I’m not getting false results). Weight lost: 7 lbs. Which leaves 83 lbs til I reach my goal.
I’ve read several posts this week pertaining to weight loss, body image, plans for turning it all around. Seems as though I’m not the only one who’s tired of feeling tired and uncomfortable in my own skin.
But I think Julie summed up my feelings best. It’s a mental and emotional game more than anything else. You can lose all the weight you want, but if you don’t feel worthy of your own good health and slimmer body, it can be like a hollow victory. Hence my losing almost 60 lbs, then regaining 45 of them.
When I lost the weight six years ago, I was simply desperate. I worked at the gym for at least an hour, sometimes an hour and a half or even two, every night. I was extremely careful about what I ate, to the point of obsession. In other words, I went overboard. And I thrived on the self worth the shrinking number on the scale gave me. That’s what it was all about – that and the reaction of friends who hadn’t seen me in a while. ”You’re getting so skinny!” was something I regularly heard - and it felt amazing.
Of course I wasn’t skinny. I was still 60 lbs overweight. But it was a big change from where I’d started out.
So what’s different now? Easy. Losing weight, while important, is a side effect, a smaller part of the larger whole. I want to be healthy. Vibrant. Energetic. Fully alive. I want to know what it feels like to have the wherewithal to do everything I want to do. To work as hard as I know I need to work to get where I know I need to go. I deserve that much. I deserve the work it’s going to take.
Because it’s 2012 and life’s too short.
Once again, I’m Pouring My Heart Out with Shell.