That was the number I saw on the scale on Friday morning.
My heart sank. 265??? I thought I left the 260’s behind a long, long time ago.
As I said on Facebook, there were many reasons for this. Working from home for the last year took away my walking routine – I’d walk around two miles a day when I worked in an office, just getting from one train to the other and from the station to the office and back.
Now? Well, anyone who thinks that people who work from home magically have a ton of time to do whatever they want has never worked from home.
Then there was the whole illness thing. The three stints in the hospital between March and June. The surgery. The recovery. The sitting-in-a-recliner-all-day routine. The hernia. More sitting.
And eating. Bland food, aka white bread, pasta, rice, potatoes…Veggies, especially raw or not-cooked-til-mushy ones, are not a good idea. I can also only eat them sparingly or else, well, I have an accident. Just keepin’ it real.
My mushroom obsession had to come to an end once I made the connection between three overnight accidents with my bag and the fact that I’d eaten a ton of mushrooms at dinner each night. That was a sad day.
So here I am. In the 260’s all over again.
Now, though, I have tools. I understand myself. I’m awake again, unwilling to keep myself drowsy and over-full all the time.
In the past few days I’ve gone back to keeping a food journal, to give myself an idea of how I balance various foods throughout the day. Otherwise it’s easy to lose track and not realize that while healthy fats are good, you’ve already had them with breakfast and lunch and you might wanna cool it for the rest of the day with the coconut oil/avocado/whatever. (Not that I’ve ever had a problem with that or anything…)
I’m also being gentle with myself in regards to cutting foods out completely. For instance, hell yeah I had three slices of bacon with my scrambled eggs (in coconut oil of course) at breakfast this morning. I refuse to suffer, to starve, or to limit myself.
I do know, however, that there are foods I need to be careful around. Sugary foods especially. I’m fine until I get started – but once I have that first taste it’s all downhill from there. Do you ever feel that way? For me it’s better to not start at all, if possible.
So here I am again.
I don’t want to lose weight out of hatred or loathing – been there, done that, know there’s a better way. Choices made out of love and respect for myself are more sustainable.
And don’t bother telling me that diets fail. One, this isn’t a diet. Two, life is like that. Gaining weight isn’t the worst thing to ever happen to a person, by a long shot. So I gained weight. I’ll lose it now. I’ve done it before.
Is weight loss one of your goals this year? What’s your plan? I’ll talk more about my strategy later this week but for now would like to hear your thoughts!
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